Saturday, February 4, 2012
MY NAME IS FIBROMYALGIA......
Hi, My Name is Fibromyalgia
© Jayde Dow
Hi, My Name is Fibro ... Fibromyalgia, and I live with her. Funny, living isn't exactly the correct word. I am her. She just won't admit it -- yet, but she will in time. She will.
Oh, the joy of watching her struggle through a very good day. True, she may call it a "bad" day, but she doesn't realize how hard I work to make those days special. I start when I cause her to feel tired, but not just a "worked hard and earned it" tired, rather a complete exhaustion that makes her cry for relief. Then I add the spice of muscles-that-cramp and knot. The most fun for me to watch is when the tops of her feet cramp and pull her toes in odd directions. She screams sometimes when that happens. Oh, the joy. Have you ever seen someone whose two fingers pop out of place and slide under the palm of the hand? I've watched her force her fingers back into place, watched in glee.
I jab her fibro spots with a burning pain, and a sheet that brushes against her skin brings more suffering. I've heard her say, "I wish I could just scrape my skin off. It hurts so bad," as she smooths lotion over her legs and arms, seeks relief, a way to sooth the needles of torment.
A trip to the doctor's office thrills me so much. Every time we're there, the nurse slaps on the blood pressure cuff and pumps away. I so enjoy watching my "friend" squirm and grit her teeth as the pressure increases. The agony radiates over the skin of her arm and to the bone. Often tears form in her eyes, and she tries so hard to be brave, not to whimper. However, I'm stronger than she is, and I win, as usual. The nurse says she's so sorry, but she has no clue as to the torture she causes.
The rheumatologist's office is different, though. They use wrist blood pressure cuffs so that they won't cause more pain for fibro sufferers. She doesn't dread visiting that doctor, especially since the lab tech doesn't have a problem finding a vein. He doesn't cause more than a slight prick, either, not as most people do that draw blood for tests. She no longer has several painful sticks, and her arms are not covered by bruises any more. All my fun spoiled.
But what's the most fun for me -- memory games. I do so enjoy the memory glitches I cause her when a sudden blank erupts in her brain. *sigh* Too bad things return when I forget to keep the stress level high.
I don't understand why she keeps fighting me. I'm going to win, especially with the army beside me: RA, Lupus, and my good friend polyarthryalgia, spondylosis, multiple organ damage Yes, she and I are inseparable, whether she admits it or not.
I WILL KEEP ON FIGHTING AND THANK YOU FOR FIGHTING WITH ME!!